“A Rant” – Barcelona

What a glorious day.  The sun can’t shine brighter.  After getting raped by Bayern Munich, Barcelona is ass close to getting knocked out of the UEFA Champions League.  Can you taste the disappointment? I know all the Barca fans are withering away in disbelief–“Hhh…How is that even possible?”

Barcelona got bent over and ass-rammed by Bundesliga’s weinershnitzel with a score of four goals to none.  Doesn’t that suck?  In a tournament where rounds are played home and away in aggregate, you’re going to start the second leg down four goals? Holy shit.  Thomas Muller may as well wear a rubber suit with a double strap-on above his shaft.  Maybe Ribery can fuck you with his baguette. Or Arjen Robben can spread his holland-aise sauce all over your face.  All Schweinsteiger needs to do is eye-fuck you with his blue laser (Aryan) eyes and you have one huge Bayern bukkake.


Come next week the Catalonian giants will be out of the Champions League. Thank god. The last thing I need to keep hearing is frat fags saying Messi over and over because that’s all he’s ever heard—as if he’s the brother of Avici.  112fratBros

Yes, he is great—but get off his dick. The midget can run fast, score hard, and do dirty, dirty things with his feet, but he didn’t do any of that today.

Getting back to the Barcelona fans—not all of you are bad.

Sorry that was a joke. YOU ALL BLOW.

Why is it every pick up game has a discussion mentioning the words and/or phrases:  “tiki-taka”, “Messi”, “MESSI”, “yea but MESSI”, “dominate”, “Ronaldo sucks”, “Madrid sucks”. It eventually turns into a discussion of parakeets repeating dumb shit over and over until someone starts the game.  And even then, all the Barca assholes think they’re Iniesta with their footwork but forget he passes the ball.

The discussion happens off the field too.  No Barca fan is afraid of letting anyone know how great they are.  Even if they’re insanely overweight and clearly have no idea of how play ANY sport.  It’s as if knowing the word “Barcelona”, or muttering any player’s name gives them the same recognition as a person who played the game for years.  Listen you fat fuck.  You don’t know shit about soccer. Because you never played. Because no living soul, in their right mind, would pick a fuck like you, unless—clearly unless the goals were as fat as your girth and you clogged the open net. The first thing to pop into your head after mentioning Barcelona is tapas.

I won’t even get into the CD’s who play Fifa ’13 on Xbox Live. I’m sure you’re all aware.

xbox live kid

There’s a million of them—every type and any demographic, the story always stays the same.  You mutter any word connected with the sport and you’re instantly throated with their opinion. And even though I’m spouting mine right now, in an equally distasteful manner, I bet in some way you’d agree.





ZIDANE MATERAZZI(The one true king)


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