A Rant – Staples

“That was easy”. That wasn’t easy. That was a fkn nightmare.

You, Staples, are on my shit-list until the day I die.

A few days ago I went to Staples to print out exactly one little shitty piece of paper with a color image (I was going to try painting).  One little itty bitty shitty picture of rocks near water.  It’s not rocket science. It’s not even science.  Wiping your ass is harder than printing out a sheet of paper, but leave it to Staples to fuck up the easiest task.

In my hour waiting for a dumb fk Staples employee to rectify my issue I saw three people’s print outs fked up.  No wonder brick-and-mortar stores are a bust.  You have forced dependency on completely incompetent shitheads whose hands are firmly shoved up each other’s asses.  The print out is too gray? Shove in another ink cartridge. Paper Jam? The machine tells you where the problem is. And no, I don’t need to know where the mechanical pencils are–I need my fkn print out.  When I told a fellow customer I was waiting for 45 minutes he said “If I was here for 45 minutes I would burn this fucker down”.  Burn it down. Nuke the headquarters.

I have no idea how you are a public company, Staples.  You and Radioshak defy every rule of capitalism.  Some things leave you confused and angry to the point of murderous rage.  Personally, I’ve never been more tempted to drop my pants and take a huge shit right in the middle of your store.  When I walked out, a full hour later, I wanted to punt a little chihuahua for no good reason.  The dog had nothing to do with Staples. He wasn’t wearing a shitty red polo and a name tag.  He wasn’t fking up my print.  He was just an innocent little chihuahua. Thank god I have restraint, Staples.  I hope all of your employees die from deep deep paper cuts.

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