Tabloids love making shit up when it comes to the uber metrosexual soccer phenom Cristiano Ronaldo. If he takes a dump the tabloids will say he put in a transfer request to Turd FC. Took a nap? Sombrero FC. Whatever the daily story is, his skill is undeniable–he will rape your feet faster than Michael Jackson (who is a recorded child predator, don’t deny it fanboys) and rocket shots so fast your face will flap like a fatty in G-force. It doesn’t matter if it’s fact or fiction, everything seems to be beyond normal. So when someone makes a gif that shows Ronaaaaaldo with some pecker insecurity, you have to sit back and laugh at how outrageous his persona has become.